Hiiii friend,
At some point, everyoneʼs had something that they felt was overshadowed by someone elseʼs ʻthingʼ – whether it be a birthday, a wedding, a recital, a promotion or some other general announcement - we have all been the victim of someone else ʻstealing our thunderʼ before.
Recently we were talking about being pregnant at the same time as my sister-in-law - which was honestly super fun for me! We were due just about a month apart so there was a lot of empathetic texting and decaf coffee dates, but there was also a lot of ʻwhy donʼt you do a combined baby shower?ʼ and whose belly is bigger than whose... which got annoying... fast lol.
I really wanted this moment to be about me! I was already sharing so much of the attention/excitement with my baby that I didn't want to share the rest of it with someone else too. Does this make me a bad person? No! Thought I did obsess over this question for a while...
And then I figured there must be so many other women who have experienced something similar (i.e. sharing their ʻpregnancy thunderʼ). And for those going through it right now, I wanted to give you some of our best recos on how to navigate “stealing the thunder” syndrome in pregnancy – the latest pregnancy symptom addition 🥹🫣.
What is ʻStealing the Thunderʼ Syndrome
Iʼm sure weʼve all heard it before, but ʻstealing the thunderʼ is simply when someone takes the focus, attention or success of something away from another person; or in our context, itʼs having the excitement, celebration and overall ʻhypeʼ taken away from your pregnancy. And that sucks!
Keeping Your Thunder, Your Thunder
We want to preface the start of this discussion with: you canʼt control other peopleʼs actions. There is no way to ʻstopʼ someone from stealing your thunder and it is highly unlikely that someone ʻwent out of their wayʼ to be pregnant at the same time as you just to overshadow you! (Though I guess it sometimes does happen that way...).
Regardless, there are some things you can do to keep your thunder, your thunder! Likeeee...
1. Donʼt do combined parties/celebrations
A double baby shower?! In theory – so cute; in practice - not so... itʼs a lot of sharing (and guest list trimming, and aligning on menus, activities, etc). If you want to be celebrated for this milestone (as just you) before baby arrives, then don't do a joint baby shower. You deserve all the celebration and love on you during this momentous occasion!
2. Stay true to the kind of pregnancy you want
When you share the attention of this special moment, it can often lead to having other peopleʼs thoughts and opinions getting stuck in your head. Our reco? Ignore them! It's definitely best to proceed with trusting your own gut / doing things the way you want to do them! Just because someone else is doing something one way, doesn't mean it's the right way doing it!
3. Itʼs okay to keep names and things to yourself
I can hear my own mother giving me this advice as Iʼm writing this: “itʼs okay to not tell people everything”. Though in that context, she was telling me to not tell my elementary school bff all my secrets lol; and in this context, Iʼm thinking more like keeping babyʼs name to yourself! Or your birth plan, feeding plan, babymoon plan, postpartum plan, etc. If you donʼt share the details, itʼs a lot harder for other people to talk you out of what you actually wanted!
Communicating Boundaries
If youʼre already feeling like your thunder is under attack, the best thing you can do is to communicate what you want!
Nine times out of 10, the person on the other end is just excited to share this moment with you - and they likely don't mean to be impeding on any of your excitement! Just talking to this person about how you're feeling will most likely result in both of you enjoying everything more!
Enjoying the Perks
All this said, there are lots of fun things about sharing these exciting moments with people near and dear to you, so make sure to enjoy the perks too!
Some really amazing perks of being pregnant at the same time as your friend to Sister-in-Law, etc:
1. Shared Experiences
You get to go through this whirlwind of an adventure with someone who really understands what youʼre going through! Although everyoneʼs pregnancy is different, it can be really nice to talk (and vent) to someone whoʼs going through it with you too!
2. A Great Social Buddy
Social lives can be a real struggle during pregnancy – itʼs actually so nice to know that you have someone else whoʼs down for ʻpregnancy approvedʼ activities with you!
3. Three words: Joint. Zoo. Membership.
Okay, this one is a little specific, but you get the idea. You have someone to share these future kid-focused activities and moments with that actually want to participate in them wholeheartedly with you!
So even though itʼs never easy, we hope this little guide to navigating ʻstealing the thunderʼ syndrome helped you feel more confident! Have questions or need a reco? Our DMʼs are always open! Drop us your questions on @rumbly_co or email us at marnie@rumbly.co!
